Episode Seventeen

September 6, 2010

This was technically Skip Week 3.

Schedule for Defensive and Educational Studies for Blorgbat Season

Blorgbat Season: October 1– October 31

Notice: Certification is mandatory, as designated by the state. All citizens are required to attend at least 3 sessions to be certified, and must pass the online examination. Failure to comply in a timely fashion will result in deportation to the Marshall-Sandstorm shipping loop until Blorgbat season is officially designated over, and the waste removal teams declare the island once again safe for inhabitants.

Class Schedule:

Sept 6, 7pm, Welcome Center: A Call to Arms: Batten the hatches, sharpen your arrows, learn how to re-charge your counter-measures and laser deterrents. Also renew your certification, or fill out your first-time certification application.

Sept 8, 7pm, Welcome Center: Bizarre Anatomy: an overview of the species, their 8-year mating cycle, and their natural habitat in the bottomless caves. For the kids (ages 5 and up): Blorgbats and You: A Documentary.

Sept 8: 8pm, The Boneyard: Delicious Delicacies: join Catty Broadsides at her bar, for recipe ideas, and instructions on how best to prepare this untamed culinary treasure.

Sept 10, 11pm, The Welcome Center: Midnight Tunnel Tours: highly recommended for all citizens, get your map of the underground tunnels that are opened every eight years, and a guided tour.

Sept 13, 6pm, Scurvytown High School Auditorium: Blorgbat History and Rhetoric: Learn how the blorgbat got its name, and about the fateful first encounter with the species during their prime mating season.

Sept 15, 11am, The Welcome Center: Examination Station: The first tier of examinations will be administered for new citizens, and re-certification badges will be distributed starting today.

Sept 18, 6pm, Scurvytown Town Hall: Citizens Reunited Against Blorgbats: The first meeting of CRAB for the season. On the agenda: carcass retrieval, meat processing, and the finer points of slaying the vicious blorgbat.

Sept 19, 6pm, Scurvytown Town Hall: Scurvitans Against Violent Ends: The first meeting of SAVE for the season. On the agenda: safe havens, defensive maneuvers, and the finer points of keeping off the radar of the oft-misunderstood blorgbat.

Sept 21, 6pm, Scurvytown High School Auditorium: First Aid: What to do if you are attacked by a blorgbat and infected with their venom, how to use a hacksaw to cut off a limb, and learning to recognize signs of mutation in the infected. (Course designed with health care workers and law enforcement in mind.)

Sept 23, 6pm, Welcome Center: Pass or Fail: Final outcomes for new citizens, all paperwork must be completed by midnight in order to take the final exam on Sept 29th and avoid deportation to the Marshall-Sandstorm shipping loop.

Sept 25, 6pm, Welcome Center: Catch and Release: Learn how to track, capture, and release a Blorgbat back into their natural habitat. It may be the last thing you ever do.

Sept 29, 3pm, The Docks: The Marshall-Sandstorm Work Program: the decision is in your hands, unless you failed certification, either board the work-ship or re-take your certification exams

Sept 30, 9am, Town Square: Pep Rally and Nailing Party: a final rounding up of stragglers, parade to the Docks, and nailing up unboarded windows.

Any questions, please contact Janet Tor at the Welcome Center.

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Next week’s blathering.

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